Brrr...it's COLD! I mean it's REALLY COLD! On this Earth. It almost feels like one of those movies where people are walking zombies. I've been looking for something for so long. And I'm going crazy trying to find it. Its so rough going out there slamming pavement every single day, without enjoying the little things. I worship the littlest things. I live for it. And I may take them for granted. But when I need it, it's always there. Right on time. The weather is crazy. Everyday I'm reminded how I'm doing this all alone. How I'm my biggest cheerleader. I'm my own protecter. It's hard. It makes you wanna cry into the shoulders of the nearest stranger. And in NYC, that is supposed to be a possibility. Some times when I'm alone in the city...I can really feel it. Every block I walk or corner I turn I am reminded of how alone I am. The best way to describe this feeling is, Whitney Houston's I Want to Run to You. It's one of my favorites. And it's how the cold weather makes me feel. This is the time I want to have someone in my life I can spoon. And he can spoon me. And we can just keep each other warm. Sit and talk about nothing. Or talk about everything. But if you tell a guy that, they take that too literally. I don't want to rush into things. But I most definately don't want to go into this with no prospects. But guys are so weird. They don't want relationships unless it's their idea. Unless everything in their life is perfectly lined up how they want. And the funny thing is, that's rarely possible unless you have a good woman in your life. So my question is, as we quickly approach winter and the new year...

How does a girl stay warm when guys are so cold-blooded?

This is a man's world. That's why we have so many wars and corruption. Men just want shiny big things. They seem to know nothing about art, and love and beauty. It's all about BIG BIG BIG. MORE MORE MORE. MORE bitches with BIG T&A. MORE $$$ for those BIG cars. Like, honestly, who gives a shit about that? This is life? This is our chance to experience things we didn't know exsisted. To learn things we never thought of. And you're worried about having some shit you THINK no one else has. Or get the NEW shit that everyone else is up on. None of that shit is important. It's about feeling things and knowing things. Changing things.

I must be kidding myself to think there is actually a guy out there that thinks like me. That can connect with me. That would want me for me, and not my body. A guy that would make me feel like I didn't always have to look my best, with in fear he would leave me. I must be crazy to think I can open myself up to a man, and he will do the same in return. Men are cold-blooded. You can have a wonderful night where you share your hopes and dreams with a person. And then never hear from them again. That's the shit that kills me. Like, was it all an act? Is it always, just an act? Are women and men, two species that are haunting for entirely different things? Women want love and a spiritual connection. And men want something to make them feel like a big man!

So my challenge for this season is to test my theory. I dare any guy out there to prove me wrong.