A Good Man is Hard to Find

My husband, Eric "Jamie Foxx" Bishop once said in an article "Eric Bishop (believes there are more good people than bad people in the world. But Jamie Foxx has seen a lot more bad than good. That always stayed with me. I always questioned the same thing. I am a natural born optimistic. But seeing the world in the shape it's in now, makes me wonder. Is everyone is as cold as they seem? Is it too late for rehabilition? Everyone person I meet, I try to look for that little spark in their eye. Something that tells me they have a soul. And I rarely meet people that don't have it. If they don't I look the other way. But I don't even want to deal with people nowadays. So many people have sticks up their asses. And they want to question your motives of even speaking to them. Not nice. I admit, I can be anti-social, but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. That's what I tried to tell a boy the other day. And he got so mad. Like, basically telling me what my criteria had to be to even talk to him. As if! I mean, it makes since if you want to avoid certain types of people. But, my thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW! You never know who you might be talking to. They could be the missing link to a puzzle in your life. And you DARE to have a checklist of who they should be? God has a funny sense of humor. So I know it'll come back. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to meet new people. But it's a jungle out there. You ask someone their name, they be like "Why?"

I blame the media. They make us all afraid. Thinking everyone's a terrorist. Displaying trifling ass stories about family fighting family. Friends stealing other friends lives. It's like, come on ALREADY?! I know that's a possibility, but I don't want to go out thinking about that. Having someone thinking that about me. Grown ass men be afraid to talk to me, because they think I'm supposed to have some motive. Like I can't just be trying to talk? And then sometimes the people you think you know change, or you change. And you don't even talk to them. What are you supposed to do? Especially if you're single. Everyone I know tells me they just talk to their bf or gf and thats it. I don't have that. I don't have anything close to that. And I don't know how I'm supposed to get it, if the world is as cold as it is.

Me and X have been speaking consistantly. But, it's not fullfilling. If anything it's a tease. He can always get me. But I can never get him. Thats a sure sign you're being a puppy dog, as I am. I only do it because that's the closet thing I come to having a real connection with someone. Something where we see the same views. And it's great to have someone to talk to. But that's where it ends. I need someone I can be intellectual with, physical and supportive. Is that too much to ask? Someone who is thinking of me at 12:30am. Like, "Are you home, okay?" Is that too much? I don't think so. And ALL these guys out there want is sex. Like, literally, thats mentioned in the first conversation nowadays? Sometimes they don't even have a conversation with you. They just bring up sex. I, personally have had enough. I will not entertain anymore little boys. Unless you have something else to say, other than how much of a freak you are, then we have nothing to discuss. Like, can we have something in common? Could we believe in the same causes? They don't even know. And they won't let you know. Or maybe it's just me. Because sometimes girls tell me they had a good conversation with a guy. And then, I find out the GIRL had to do MAD shit to even get them to open up. If he's gonna open up emotionally, you have to open up sexually.. Yeah, open up them legs! Otherwise he'll consider you a friend and just tell you EVERYTHING. Things that will break your heart if you actually have a crush on him. I just hope something changes. Me. Them. I need to believe that dating is everything I want it to be. Fun, exciting and adventurous. Right now it's just looking dull, scary and unappealing!