Monday, November 15, 2010

The Concept of "Just Having Fun"

From the moment I started dating, I've always come across the term, "Let's just have fun." I've always felt insulted when guys say that. It's never like the movies. When a guy and a girl like each other. And one night everything falls into place. Throughout the movie you knew this moment would come. And when it finally does, it's just oh so magical. And the next morning it's never a question of where's this going. It just all makes sense. But in the real world, what is that? Can two people really get together and not want anything more than to use each other bodies? Can two people really share a passionate night together, but not a conversation the next morning? And who's idea of fun is this anyways?

When it comes to relationships, can you really ever just have fun?

So I've realized I'm way more old fashion than most girls nowadays, I believe you have to have sex with someone you actual LIKE and can stand being around. Someone you trust is always a must. And once I have sex with you, you better not have sex with anyone I know, or ELSE! I know my rules are outdated. But it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. But I decided I didn't want to let my 20s just pass me by. While I sit around being celibate. So I decided to end my two years of no sex. A treat to myself for being so strong. And I did it with someone I totally like. It was a good first. I mean, it was harmless. I had fun. He had fun. What's the problem...right? Well, first off, some people have different ideas of fun. I think its fun to hook up with the same person all the time. And try different things. Some people think it's fun to hook up with several people while doing the same things.

When I like someone, I REALLY like them. Let's call this guy "Jack". He wasn't my type. But I believed he could be. Something inside of me was telling me to go after him. We were friends. At least I thought we were. So to hook up with HIM of all people seemed like a safe idea. And I guess it still was. I mean, like I said before, we both had fun. But once again, everyone seems to have fun at my expense. Soon after hooking up, we seem to have drifted apart. I know I had some doing in it. But it's these tricky ass rules. I find myself being possessive and cold. I don't talk to him, in fear I might start nagging. Like, when you hook up with a guy, and it's just fun, you can't be the chick that is constantly asking questions. So me feeling vulnerable is something I must keep to myself. If he talks to other girls in my face, I can't get mad. Because we're just having fun. It's so confusing. That's not my style. I feel like all my liberties as a woman are taken away. If I have a question about what's going on, what am I supposed to do? Just wait for him to figure it out? I don't know how to act. How to feel. How to stand. It's not natural. I think women who do this casual sex thing are kidding themselves. Everyone woman I know ends up NOT having fun, when you're supposed to be having fun. A woman's idea of fun is to feel special. No matter what she's doing. Attention is also fun for us. I feel like if I stand my ground and follow the rules, I'll never get to play the game. Like that nerd that knows all the rules to Dodge Ball but no one ever picks him for the team. I don't know whether to call it quits or just keep my head in the game. I can't be a crazy old maid at 23, can I?

Still holding tight for my prince charming to scoop me up away from this madness called "Dating". But in the meantime, while I'm in the middle of my 20s. The time when I'm supposed to be "having fun". What's a girl to do?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Your girl making moves.

I had the pleasure of being on Star and Bucwild today on and! It was awesome. I had to go through hell and back to get there. Literally. It was 98 degrees. I only had winter/fall clothes. No time to shop. It was a nightmare. To top it off, I didn't think I would make it on time. Plus through in your nay sayers, and you have HELL! However, it was all worth it. I got there on time. I went on first. All my fears went away as soon as I hit the mic. The mic is like my best friend. Right there to hold my hand. Giving me the voice I didn't know I had. Although the chatroom was mean as hell, I did my thing. I held it down. I was super proud of myself. I didn't even eat today. SMH. Like I can afford to miss a meal. But yeah, they want me back. Its gonna be a gang of us. The future HATERS!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

If you a bitch ass nigga go kill ya self.

I'm so tired of bitch ass niggas. Why I'm tryna get a niggas advice on radio, since he has a degree in the shit, right? And I tell him I'm tryna work for this really big radio star and I have an interview with them on wednesday. He's like who? So I tell him (hint: this person is known for bringing the FIRE). He's like "I'ma tell you straight, this is not something you want to put on your resume" You know the record stopped in my head. I'm like "Why?" We all know this person. They are huge, and know a lot of people. Why would this NOT be a good look? He says its cause they get into trouble and they not hot like that. I'm dumbfounded at this point. Not many radio personalities are famous enough to even to get recognized in the streets. But this one is. And they have a bad reputation. But at least they have a reputation. Most radio personalities just tell you what song you just heard and keep it moving. No personality. I respect this person so much because they opened MANY doors for themselves by having a bad reputation. So then I go on to say how most radio people get big after they have controversy anyway. Just look at Wendy Williams and Imus to name a few. He tells me how I'm wrong and I have no idea what I'm talking about. And all he's tryna to do is help me. I was through! This guy obviously was hating. I don't know why. He has a degree. He works at a radio station. What is his deal? All I was tryna do was get some pointers on radio. When I did finally get the chance to ask him, he says all I have to do is know how to get coffee. Thanks asshole! I think I know how to get coffee! I worked at Dunkin Donuts. What if I have to talk on the air? He gotta get his panties all in a bunch. Disgusting. I'm so sick of bitch ass niggas tryna shut a bitch down. I would never do that. I'm happy for everyone and anyone that is successful or on the verge of it. He can have his opinions on what he thinks, but does he have to straight up be a bitch about it? You can say, your peace and still be constructive. He totally went left and was now preaching. I didn't ask all that. But it just goes to show why I'm single. I can't just submit myself to the thoughts of a man. Maybe if they weren't so ego-influenced. But that so called advice this man was trying to give me was pure ego. He already had his mind made about the matter. And I made things worse by saying I wasn't really passionate about radio but as media as a whole. I just wanna get out there and be a personality. In any form. But he was offended by that comment. I told him clearly he was passionate about radio, and that's why he sees a problem with who I'm tryna work with. But to me, this person changed the game.

So later that night, I go on Facebook, where I see homeboy wrote about this shit on his wall. He goes in and says I'll never be known because I'm not passionate about radio. I'm just another young chick tryna get rewarded by doing nothing. He even says I asked him for advice and got mad when I didn't hear what I wanted. Just like a bitch ass nigga to twist a whole conversation into making me the bitch and him the nice guy just tryna help. He later goes on to post women are crazy. Blah, blah, blah. This nigga needs to realize he's the crazy one. I never even got to ask him for advice because he started shitting on me the minute I told him what I was doing. He was the one mad when I brought up valid points he couldn't refute. No one in there right minds can say Wendy Williams and Howard Stern aren't more successful after they got fired from big stations. That's like the blue print for radio. You go to a new station, and tell them their competition fired you, that's like saying you went to Harvard. The fucking entertainment industry is about flipping bad press into MAJOR press. This nigga think if he does the right thing and be a good boy, he's gonna get somewhere. In this business one thing I do know is you gotta take chances. Unless you wanna be like Angie Martinez at the same radio station, same time slot for 20 years. I'm not mad. Someone's gotta do it. But I'm more of a Ryan Seacrest type. I like to get into all types of Media. We going worldwide, baby. Let's go full force. Fuck that good shit. I still have my morals, but I gotta do what I gotta do to survive. Yes, I'll pay for it later. But for now we gotta get in to even pay. Ya dig?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Summer of the Sluts!

So it seems it maybe the summer of the sluts. In a good way. Lil Kim is rumored to have signed with Roc Nation. Such a retro move on Jay-Z part. Who knows what kind of tricks he has up his sleeve by adding Kim to his roster. I think its a terrific look. And with the rumors that Diddy is about to announce he's managing Nicki Minaj, it should be an interesting summer. And to top it off, Foxy Brown is set to drop some mixtape tracks dissing Nicki Minaj. I have a feeling Summer Jam gonna be crazy!

Speaking of Nicki Minaj, there is an alleged sex tape in the hands of some smart people. They're asking for $100,000 for the tape. If Vivid, the huge porn production company, that has a good collection of celebrity sex tapes, picks it up, that would be a good look for both the company and Minaj. Every celebrity that has had a sex tape has gotten paid. Including, new sex tape queen, Kendra Wilkinson. She just received $680,000 up front. And when the tape(s) are released, she'll receive half the profits. Now that's a deal even Ray Charles could be proud of. Can't t wait to see that one. There is supposed to be so many scenes that they will make it a series. Nicki Minaj, step ya pussy up!

Another Smart Slut is Amber Rose, who just settled with Kanye to keep quiet about their relationship. To keep the hummingbird from singing, Yeezy gave her seven figures. Damn, I would try to match that, because you know they did some freaky ass shit. She probably used dildos on him while he was wearing her makeup.

Slutty Alicia Keys is unofficially pregnant. There's rumors her and Swizzy are eloping. I don't really give a shit, but whatevs!

Delonte West is banging out Lebron James Moms. That is just hilarious.

Last but not least Chris Brown as two new videos out today. But this one I had to post just because it's so damn Slutty!

And here's a new video from Rihanna. She's getting just as slutty nowadays.

2010--Gettin' it in!

Soooo, I've been gone for a minute. Been on my Carrie Bradshaw shit, but now I'm back to bring you the FIRE! The scene has been dead. Nothing but whores showing text messages on Inside Edition. The hip hop world has been very quiet. I mean, there's Kat Stacks. But who is Kat Stacks?? I had the pleasure of catching her Ustream, and it was so boring. I don't even care about any other the people she claimed she fucked. I think she should get with Pretty Ricky's Slick. He has a new sex video out and it's pretty gross. They can make the black version of One Night in Paris. We can call it, "Kat got ya tounge?"

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Good Man is Hard to Find

My husband, Eric "Jamie Foxx" Bishop once said in an article "Eric Bishop (believes there are more good people than bad people in the world. But Jamie Foxx has seen a lot more bad than good. That always stayed with me. I always questioned the same thing. I am a natural born optimistic. But seeing the world in the shape it's in now, makes me wonder. Is everyone is as cold as they seem? Is it too late for rehabilition? Everyone person I meet, I try to look for that little spark in their eye. Something that tells me they have a soul. And I rarely meet people that don't have it. If they don't I look the other way. But I don't even want to deal with people nowadays. So many people have sticks up their asses. And they want to question your motives of even speaking to them. Not nice. I admit, I can be anti-social, but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. That's what I tried to tell a boy the other day. And he got so mad. Like, basically telling me what my criteria had to be to even talk to him. As if! I mean, it makes since if you want to avoid certain types of people. But, my thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW! You never know who you might be talking to. They could be the missing link to a puzzle in your life. And you DARE to have a checklist of who they should be? God has a funny sense of humor. So I know it'll come back. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to meet new people. But it's a jungle out there. You ask someone their name, they be like "Why?"

I blame the media. They make us all afraid. Thinking everyone's a terrorist. Displaying trifling ass stories about family fighting family. Friends stealing other friends lives. It's like, come on ALREADY?! I know that's a possibility, but I don't want to go out thinking about that. Having someone thinking that about me. Grown ass men be afraid to talk to me, because they think I'm supposed to have some motive. Like I can't just be trying to talk? And then sometimes the people you think you know change, or you change. And you don't even talk to them. What are you supposed to do? Especially if you're single. Everyone I know tells me they just talk to their bf or gf and thats it. I don't have that. I don't have anything close to that. And I don't know how I'm supposed to get it, if the world is as cold as it is.

Me and X have been speaking consistantly. But, it's not fullfilling. If anything it's a tease. He can always get me. But I can never get him. Thats a sure sign you're being a puppy dog, as I am. I only do it because that's the closet thing I come to having a real connection with someone. Something where we see the same views. And it's great to have someone to talk to. But that's where it ends. I need someone I can be intellectual with, physical and supportive. Is that too much to ask? Someone who is thinking of me at 12:30am. Like, "Are you home, okay?" Is that too much? I don't think so. And ALL these guys out there want is sex. Like, literally, thats mentioned in the first conversation nowadays? Sometimes they don't even have a conversation with you. They just bring up sex. I, personally have had enough. I will not entertain anymore little boys. Unless you have something else to say, other than how much of a freak you are, then we have nothing to discuss. Like, can we have something in common? Could we believe in the same causes? They don't even know. And they won't let you know. Or maybe it's just me. Because sometimes girls tell me they had a good conversation with a guy. And then, I find out the GIRL had to do MAD shit to even get them to open up. If he's gonna open up emotionally, you have to open up sexually.. Yeah, open up them legs! Otherwise he'll consider you a friend and just tell you EVERYTHING. Things that will break your heart if you actually have a crush on him. I just hope something changes. Me. Them. I need to believe that dating is everything I want it to be. Fun, exciting and adventurous. Right now it's just looking dull, scary and unappealing!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The One That Got Away.

Omg! I just got off the phone after a 1:16:47 conversation with the only boy I've ever loved. We'll call X. It was bittersweet. I was so happy to hear his voice. But he was talking to me about girl problems! Seriously, fucked up! The story of my life. Apparently, he can commit --to two girls at the same time. And here I am, being supportive. Listening. All the while, wanting to scream "Since when did you want a girlfriend?" "Since when do you care about the damaged you cause women?" Only a woman can do that. Only a woman, can sit there and pine over a man telling her about all the people he's screwed since you. And to think, it's been no one since him. The only reason the conversation lasted as long as it did was because it was intriguing. Ben was always a good storyteller. He always knew how to keep my ears glued. Although, I was shaking my head the whole time. I wanted it to go on. So it did. And he talked. And told me all the drama he's gotten into since he left me. And all I can think is..."Are you ready to come back home?"

If you haven't noticed the tone of the other post, clearly, I am ready to jump back into the dating scene. I've had mild crushes. And all of them are the same. They are completely different guys. But they all have something in common. They don't give me butterflies. They don't make me want to run to them. In Ben's arms I felt save. I felt like I can be myself. I didn't have to worry about him judging me. Thinking I wasn't good enough. He made me feel special. He let me know he wanted me. We talked, on a ginuwine level. About everything and nothing. And that's something I have yet to get over. He made me do things I never thought I would. And he made me believe in us. He's been the inspiration to many of my songs. And he has no clue. When he spoke to me tonight, he knew he was talking to a friend. And only a friend. He told me things you would never tell a girl you're into. No one says "Yeah, I had a girl, a side chick and two jump-offs, but I miss US." So what am I supposed to do?

Can you be friends with an ex? Especially an ex you still have feelings for?

Logically the answer is no. If any of my friends told me this situation, I would tell them to avoid every part of it. But I'm the one experincing it. And I know from experience, there's no running from this. The moment I think about moving on he pops into my life in some form. In some ways he never left. But I know it'll never work between us. I can believe that some day he'll awaken and see that being with me isn't as hard as it looks. But, reality is, he isn't even thinking about it. But me, I don't live by reality. The only way I make it through life is by dreaming. So, a girl can dream...can't I?