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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Living for the FAME


I just love Lady Gaga. She is everything I believe in. She's my kind of artist. I've been feeling a real need to express my art, recently. Everything. Writing, singing, dancing, acting, fashion...etc! The city is attracting me and other artist lately. Hopefully, 2010 will be the re-birth of Artistry in New York City. I love this city. I realized now that I've been holding MYSELF back. I used to blame it on the system. There are things that "The Man" does to make us feel we can't do it. But if your mind can achieve it, anything is possible. I just settled for things that I knew a could achieve. And although I know I am fully capable of doing ANYTHING, there was still something in the back of my mind. I felt I needed some validation. Something that told me, "I'm ready" but the fact is, people like me are Born Ready. We are born to do it all. We know at the end of the day, if you put a gun to our heads, we can do it. But why do we need a gun to our heads? Why do we wait til we have nothing at all to "Go for IT"?

Recently, I've been getting that itch. Yeah, you know. The I-haven't-gotten-any-in-a-year itch! It's maintainable. And I will be occupying a lot of my time, to get my mind off it. But still, there are always those gaps in between doing, where I start thinking. And I think about having someone to hold me when it gets cold. Being able to tell someone other than my mom and sister about my day. And they actually care to know. Someone to meet me for my lunch break, and eat in the park. It's funny, because I really can do without it. But I crave it. It's like wanting a cigarette in church. They say you can't have it all. I have two jobs now. And with the extra money I plan on sharpening my art and take singing, dancing and music lessons. I want to start designing my own clothes. I have so much I want to do, when would I find time for a boyfriend? Is it too much to hope there's a guy that is interested in the same things I am? I'm living for the FAME.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Summer? What Summer?

So here it is! The end of Summer. Its always bittersweet. I look forward to new beginnings that Autumn holds. But I will miss the endless possibilities that lie in a summer's night. But this summer, however sucked! There was nothing exciting going on. It felt like the same day over and over. And it was so cold! I had a crush, here and there. But nothing that stuck. I'm more focused on the future. Not being able to remain conscience in the present. Always referring to the past or future. These are signs that I am looking for something new. I am not happy with my current position in life. Everything seems so mundane! Everything. That's why I'm always grateful for Autumn. For me it signifies everything I need right now. Transition, shedding and starting over. I love it. And I'll be working in a park, so this is a good Fall season. Being around nature, people, art and opportunity.

I recently did a Chakra test and found out my most awakened Chakra is the:

Sahasrara/The Crown Chakra: Located at the top of the head. The crown chakra is linked to understanding, cosmic consciousness, and ability to eventually achieve enlightenment.

So it sounds good. At least I know I have the ABILITY to do it. Some people work hard for years and years, and achieve nothing. Because they have no understanding of self, nor their purpose. I know what the bottom line is. So, it SEEMS great. But the bottom line can never be met, without the right steps towards it. I can't expect to wake up and be totally enlightened. But the idea of that, is the exact way you become enlightened. The idea that anything that you manifest is possible. The rest of the Chakras I got mid-level results. Meaning, I am on the right path, but not exactly there. But the Chakra I got the lowest in was:

Anahata/The Heart Chakra: Located at the center of the chest, a person with a healthy heart chakra will have a strong ability to love his or herself as well as others. It is also the center of hope and compassion.

That surprised me at first. But with further investigation, I realized it was my mixed views on reality that caused these results. At the end of the day, I believe that all mankind is capable of finding true happiness within themselves and each other. And I believe and truly wish for a Utopia someday. But Society/Matrix makes all of that look and feel distorted from the outside. I became afraid to love, after being let down so many times. We are not ourselves anymore. We believe that the worse is possible sometimes. Especially without being fully aware. It's so hard to live in this world with ideology like mine. But sometimes it feels like the only way. I know the possibilities that we can achieve are endless. But the minute I get close to the outside world, I feel inadequate. Like I need more. Of what? I don't know. Every minute I'm reminded of how much I don't have. And how much I need to get what I want out of life. It prevents me from doing anything.
With studying Chakras, I also started to dive into Prophecies and things of that nature. It's so crazy how afraid people are of the truth.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

4 Reasons Why I'm Single

I'm always getting asked the question "So why are you single?" Like at 22 years old, I'm supposed to be tied down to one person. It's like the Women's Movement didn't even happen! So many girls I know are finding ways to trap themselves. Either they're getting married to complete strangers or they're getting pregnant to "save" a relationship. And these are GIRLS I'm talking about. Not middle-aged women. In fact, the roles have reversed. I'm finding more young girls talking about settling down and more older women expressing their freedom. But to answer the question as to why I'm single, we would have to break it down.

1. There are no guys that I have met that are mental capable of being in a relationship. Most people in their 20s don't even know what a relationship is! They are just putting labels on sex. They go on dates and barely interact with each other. The most they communicate is through argument. No one seems to take the time to get to know each other anymore

2. I'm not into labels and rules. If I have a connection with someone, I don't think it automatically means you get to pull out a rulebook. Love has no rules. Love isn't fair. If you love someone with all your heart, it doesn't mean anything. It has to be a two way street.

3. Sex makes you loose focus. Nuff said.

4. Everywhere I turn, there's a hotter guy. I don't want to commit to one person right now. This is my selfish phase!

But I must say, I'm a sucka for love. So if cupid hits, I must hit back! But I don't feel pressure anymore. Society used to make us single gals feel like shit. But now, it's whatever. I just wish all my friends didn't feel the need to settle for less. Just because thats the only offer doesnt mean you have to take it.

I have a friend who is engaged to a guy she barely knows because she's afraid she won't get another offer! That has to be the saddest thing I ever heard! We actually have a choice, and you're still settling? And you're only 23?! I wish girls loved themselves more. Then we could really run this town.