The Concept of "Just Having Fun"

From the moment I started dating, I've always come across the term, "Let's just have fun." I've always felt insulted when guys say that. It's never like the movies. When a guy and a girl like each other. And one night everything falls into place. Throughout the movie you knew this moment would come. And when it finally does, it's just oh so magical. And the next morning it's never a question of where's this going. It just all makes sense. But in the real world, what is that? Can two people really get together and not want anything more than to use each other bodies? Can two people really share a passionate night together, but not a conversation the next morning? And who's idea of fun is this anyways?

When it comes to relationships, can you really ever just have fun?

So I've realized I'm way more old fashion than most girls nowadays, I believe you have to have sex with someone you actual LIKE and can stand being around. Someone you trust is always a must. And once I have sex with you, you better not have sex with anyone I know, or ELSE! I know my rules are outdated. But it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. But I decided I didn't want to let my 20s just pass me by. While I sit around being celibate. So I decided to end my two years of no sex. A treat to myself for being so strong. And I did it with someone I totally like. It was a good idea...at first. I mean, it was harmless. I had fun. He had fun. What's the problem...right? Well, first off, some people have different ideas of fun. I think its fun to hook up with the same person all the time. And try different things. Some people think it's fun to hook up with several people while doing the same things.

When I like someone, I REALLY like them. Let's call this guy "Jack". He wasn't my type. But I believed he could be. Something inside of me was telling me to go after him. We were friends. At least I thought we were. So to hook up with HIM of all people seemed like a safe idea. And I guess it still was. I mean, like I said before, we both had fun. But once again, everyone seems to have fun at my expense. Soon after hooking up, we seem to have drifted apart. I know I had some doing in it. But it's these tricky ass rules. I find myself being possessive and cold. I don't talk to him, in fear I might start nagging. Like, when you hook up with a guy, and it's just fun, you can't be the chick that is constantly asking questions. So me feeling vulnerable is something I must keep to myself. If he talks to other girls in my face, I can't get mad. Because we're just having fun. It's so confusing. That's not my style. I feel like all my liberties as a woman are taken away. If I have a question about what's going on, what am I supposed to do? Just wait for him to figure it out? I don't know how to act. How to feel. How to stand. It's not natural. I think women who do this casual sex thing are kidding themselves. Everyone woman I know ends up NOT having fun, when you're supposed to be having fun. A woman's idea of fun is to feel special. No matter what she's doing. Attention is also fun for us. I feel like if I stand my ground and follow the rules, I'll never get to play the game. Like that nerd that knows all the rules to Dodge Ball but no one ever picks him for the team. I don't know whether to call it quits or just keep my head in the game. I can't be a crazy old maid at 23, can I?

Still holding tight for my prince charming to scoop me up away from this madness called "Dating". But in the meantime, while I'm in the middle of my 20s. The time when I'm supposed to be "having fun". What's a girl to do?